I am nothing without my humility and humor. This is satire; please accept it as such, but enjoy. After our first winter in the deep end of the pool here in the Lone Star State I make the following observations in no particular order:
1. These folks are patriots. There are no Winter Texans, Latinos, Blacks, or any other ethnic group. WYSIWYG, but everyone is a Texan. Everyone is treated equal. There is respect for everyone from school crossing guards, to blue collar workers, police, sheriffs, game wardens, and the Texas Department of Public Safety. They ALL LOVE THIS COUNTRY AND WILL DIE TO PROTECT IT. God, guns, and BBQ. It is easy to feel at home here.
2. Drive thru package stores. As tough as the driving laws are there aren't many places you will ever see this. You pull in, STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE, and they'll load whatever you ask for. Beer, liquor, sodas, chips, snacks, deer corn and alfalfa (if they have it).
3. If you think the scarcity of toilet paper was concerning this past year then you'll be further amazed with the lack of turn signal fluid. Especially important in farm and ranch country. The speed limit signs are also just a guideline, merely for reference sake.
4. Austin is still the capital and as such part of the Lone Star State, but only because REAL TEXANS tolerate it (so far). Cultural assimilation seems to be lost on the liberal traffic influx. With the burgeoning growth in all corporate sectors, those California transplants don't change their license plates out as soon as they should.
5. There is no "Tex Mex" here. You can find that commercial version in the bigger cities. The authentic Mexican food here can be found everywhere in the surrounding counties. Tacos Al Pastor, Barbacoa, Nopalitos, Pozole, Mole Poblano, Cabrito Al Pastor, Birria, and even butter tortillas. It is delicious, without compare, and further expands the borders of comfort food. Cancel culture, my ass.
6. Phrases such as "Please.......thank you.....Yes, sir.......No sir......Yes, ma'am....and No ma'am" still exist here and are in common use. You need any help or have any questions.....just ask. That's what people do here for everyone, even in our town with a population of only 400. It warms my heart.
7. This is a BIG ASS state. It is 801 miles north to south and 773 miles east to west. Travel is not measured in mileage here, mostly just time and the distance between good BBQ joints. When we travel back north towing the RV in spring it is 2 days just to get back to Oklahoma.
8. Football is not only KING, but very nearly a religion. From Friday Night Lights in every small town to the college level it is the very fabric of life here in the fall. Hunting is a close second. Texas, Texas A &M, and anybody that can beat Oklahoma, that is all that counts. Then of course there is the Sunday NFL action. Bragging rights last 364 days.
9. ALL music is revered, but country music is the first and foremost art form here with Willy Nelson and George Strait presiding over the realm. There are many 'up and comers' as well. Forget the big city arenas. The best venues for a concert are Gruene Hall, Whitewater Amphitheatre, and Luckenbach on any given weekend. There are others. Longnecks and country muzac forever.
10. Simply said, BBQ......NOBODY DOES IT BETTER. People live and die by their favorite BBQ joints. Beef brisket or ribs, pork ribs, loin, chops, and belly, chicken, turkey, and sausage. They are all usually smoked over oak, but pecan and mesquite are in common use as well. The flavors vary across the state. Don't expect to find BBQ sauce or silverware in any decent Q place, but you can get them if you ask. Butcher paper, food, peppers, beans, sliced onions, dill pickles, mac n cheese, a dozen delicious deserts, and paper towels are the norm. Ice tea, Dr. Pepper, or beer are the norms to whet your whistle. Of course there is the issue of beans. Although Charro or Ranch Beans are a side dish in any decent Q, they have no place in chili, except mine. There are several famous Chili Cookoffs and many BBQ competitions in the state. I probably won't enter.
....and we can't wait to get back here again this fall.
"To me, it's really the heart of Texas. You don't know the Lone Star State until you've experienced Gruene Hall"
Miranda Lambert
WiFi courtesy of AT & T Wireless
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